We Have Two Ears and One Mouth for a Reason

The most important communication skill for school district leaders isn't delivering polished presentations. It isn't writing compelling newsletters, crafting the perfect social media post, or even the warmth and empathy you bring to one-on-one conversations—although that last one certainly matters.

The answer, if I'm being honest with you? It's listening. Real listening.

Not the kind where you're already formulating your response while the other person is still talking. Not the kind where you're waiting for them to finish so you can tell them they're wrong—or how their story connects to something that happened to you. I'm talking about listening to understand. The kind where you actually hear what someone is saying, and then let that information shape your decisions and your messaging.

I know this because I spent the first several years of my career doing it wrong.

The Essay I Never Should Have Been Proud Of

I've always been a pretty good writer. That became clear in college, when I could power through a 10-page essay on a book I'd never read in under an hour and still pull a solid B+. It felt like a gift. So when I landed my first real job after graduation—well before social media existed and nowhere near the education field—and started crafting what I was convinced were masterpiece articles for national trade publications, I was quick to pat myself on the back.

Except nobody was publishing them.

After one particularly painful meeting with an editor, I got a line I've never forgotten: "It may be well-written, but if nobody wants to read it, I'm not publishing it."

Ding.

I had been so focused on delivering what I thought people wanted to read that I hadn't taken a single moment to listen to, learn about, or understand what they actually wanted. It was embarrassing. But it was also the impetus for an entire shift in how I would communicate for the rest of my career. It wasn't about talking at people anymore. It was about understanding them well enough to talk with them.

What Listening Actually Means

When I talk about listening as a strategic communication tool, I'm not talking about passive hearing. I'm talking about active, intentional listening that does five things:

Seeks to understand, not to respond. Most of us listen just long enough to find the moment we can jump in. Real listening means you're trying to understand what someone actually means—not just what they're literally saying.

Identifies the question behind the question. When a parent asks, "Why are class sizes so big?" they might really be asking, "Does my child's teacher have time to actually know my kid?" When a community member says, "That building was just fine for me," what they might really be asking is, "Are my tax dollars being used wisely?" Learn to hear the deeper concern underneath the surface question.

Acknowledges emotion. People aren't always logical—and that's okay. When someone is frustrated, scared, or worried, acknowledging those feelings matters just as much as addressing the facts. Sometimes more.

Creates space for dissenting voices. The people who disagree with you aren't your enemies. They're your teachers. They're showing you where your blind spots are, where your messaging is falling flat, and where you still have work to do. Don't just hear dissenting voices—seek them out.

Informs action. Listening isn't valuable if it doesn't change anything. The goal isn't just to make people feel heard. It's to actually hear them and let that shape what you do next.

Where to Listen

If you're ready to make listening a real part of your communication strategy, you need to be intentional about where and how you're gathering input. Here's the thing: your community is already talking. The question is whether you're tuned in.

Community Meetings and Forums

This is the obvious one—but it's worth examining how you're actually using it. I've sat through dozens of "community forums" where district leaders spent 45 minutes presenting and 15 minutes on questions (usually about three of them). That's not a forum. That's a lecture with a brief Q&A.

If you're serious about listening, flip that ratio. Try listening sessions with no agenda except to hear what's on people's minds. Host informal coffee conversations where people feel comfortable. Bring together focus groups of specific populations—new families, families who've left, staff, students. Hold town halls where the superintendent or board actually engages in real dialogue, not just presentation.

Here's what works: start with open-ended questions, and then be quiet. "What's working well in our schools?" "What concerns you?" "What do you wish we did differently?" Then listen. To the words. To the emotions. To the things that aren't being said. Take notes. Don't defend. Don't explain. Just receive.

Social Media and Online Communities

Whether you're active on social media or not, your community is talking about your district there. Facebook groups, Nextdoor, local Reddit pages, Instagram comments—these are where the unfiltered opinions live.

I know administrators who refuse to look at this feedback because "it's just noise" or "those people don't represent everyone." That's not entirely wrong—negative voices tend to be the loudest. But not listening to them is a mistake. Even when you disagree with what's being said, understanding what's being said matters.

You don't have to respond to everything. But you absolutely need to monitor these spaces. Look for patterns. What topics keep surfacing? What misconceptions are spreading? What questions aren't getting answered? What stories about your district are being told—and what stories aren't? That's gold for understanding where your messaging is falling short.

Surveys and Feedback Tools

Surveys can be incredibly valuable—or completely useless. It depends on how you design them and, even more so, what you actually do with the results.

There's a difference between asking, "On a scale of 1-5, how satisfied are you with district communications?" and asking, "How do you prefer to receive information about your child's school? What topics would you like to hear more about? Is there anything you feel uninformed about?" One gives you a number. The other gives you something you can actually act on.

Keep surveys short. Ask open-ended questions. Share the results with your community. Explain what you learned and what you plan to do differently. And please—don't only survey during referendum campaigns. That's not listening. That's polling to confirm what you want to hear.

One-on-One Conversations

This is where the deepest listening happens, and it's also the most underutilized tool in most districts' communication toolkits.

Yes, face-to-face conversations can be uncomfortable—imagine a principal sitting down with a family that's considering leaving to find out why. But those conversations are invaluable. You learn things in one-on-one settings that people will never say in a public forum.

Make it a habit: exit interviews with families leaving the district (not just staff who resign), welcome conversations with new families, low-key coffee meetings with a few community members—no agenda, no presentation, just conversation. And don't forget your students. Kids often have the most honest perspective of anyone.

Your Staff

I'm consistently amazed by how many district leaders forget to listen to the people working in their buildings every single day.

Your teachers know which curriculum isn't working and which environments help students thrive. Your bus drivers know which families are struggling. Your office staff know what questions families are actually calling about. Your custodians know what's happening in your buildings when everyone else has gone home.

If you're not regularly asking for input from your staff—and acting on what you hear—you're missing critical information. More than that, you're missing the chance to build a culture where people feel genuinely valued.

The People Who Aren't Talking

Here's something that took me years to understand: the quietest voices are often the ones you most need to hear.

The families who don't come to meetings. The staff who never speak up in faculty gatherings. The students who don't run for student council. The community members who've disengaged entirely. These are often the people most underserved by your current approach to communications. If you're only listening to the loudest voices on either end of the spectrum, you're getting a distorted picture of your community's real needs.

Go to them instead of waiting for them to come to you. Offer multiple ways to provide input—online, paper, phone, in-person. Remove barriers like language, childcare, and scheduling. Build relationships with community leaders who can help you connect with populations you don't naturally reach.

What to Do With What You Hear

Listening without action is arguably worse than not listening at all. It sets the expectation that you care about input—and then betrays that expectation when nothing changes.

But here's the nuance: acting on what you hear doesn't mean doing everything everyone suggests. That's impossible—and it's not your job. Your job is to consider what you hear, weigh it thoughtfully, make informed decisions, and then communicate back what you learned and why you decided what you decided.

Here's a framework that works:

1. Collect and Analyze. Designate someone on your team to actually compile feedback—not file it away. Look for patterns and themes, gaps in understanding, unmet needs, and the emotional undertones beneath the surface concerns.

2. Share What You're Hearing. This is a step most districts skip, and it's a huge missed opportunity. When you tell your community, "Here's what we've been hearing from you," you demonstrate that you're listening—and you give unheard voices one more chance to see themselves reflected. A newsletter article. A board meeting report. A social media post. It doesn't have to be elaborate. It just has to be honest.

3. Respond with Honesty. For every major theme you identify, respond. Sometimes that means, "You're right, and here's what we're going to do." Sometimes it means, "We hear your concern, but here's why we can't make that change right now." Sometimes it's, "This is a great idea, and we're going to explore it." What people can't handle isn't "no." It's being ignored or patronized.

4. Close the Loop. Once you've made decisions based on input, tell people what you decided and why—especially when you didn't do what they suggested. "We heard from many of you that you'd like later start times for high school students. We explored this thoroughly and found our transportation system can't support it without cutting bus service to elementary schools. Here's what we considered and why we made this decision." You're showing that you listened, that you took it seriously, and that your decision had legitimate reasons behind it.

Common Listening Mistakes (and How to Avoid Them)

Listening only to the people who already agree with you. It's comfortable to surround yourself with supporters. It's also how you end up in an echo chamber. Seek out dissenting voices on purpose.

Asking for input you're not willing to act on. Don't survey people about whether they want something you have no intention of providing. That's not listening—it's frustrating people.

Getting defensive when you hear criticism. Your first instinct might be to explain or defend. Resist it. Listen first. Respond later, once you've actually processed what was said.

Treating all feedback as equally valid. One loud voice on social media doesn't represent your whole community. Learn to distinguish widespread concerns from individual grievances.

Listening only during crises. If you only seek input when something has gone wrong, people will start to associate your requests for feedback with problems. Make listening a constant practice, not a crisis response.

Forgetting to listen to yourself. Trust your experience and the people around you. But also ask yourself honestly: What am I assuming? What might I be missing? Where are my blind spots?

The Foundation Everything Else Is Built On

Here's the simple truth: you cannot communicate strategically if you haven't first listened to understand what your community thinks, needs, and wants. You can craft beautifully written messages—solid B+ work, maybe better—but if they don't address the real concerns people have, they won't land. You can share important information all day long, but if it's not the information people are actually looking for, they're not going to engage.

Listening isn't the warm-up act to communication. It's the foundation everything else is built on.

When you listen well, you build trust—because people feel valued. You avoid mistakes—because you understand concerns before they become crises. You craft better messages—because you know what people actually need to hear. You make better decisions—because you have more complete information. And you create a culture of respect, because you're modeling it.

So start listening. Really listening. Not just to the loudest voices or the most convenient ones—but to the full range of perspectives in your community. Ask open questions. Create space for honest feedback. Acknowledge what you hear. Act on what you learn. Close the loop.

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Use them proportionally.

Your community has so much to teach you—if you're willing to listen.