Sextortion, Shame and Silence

The notification comes in the middle of the night. A parent discovers their teen in crisis, paralyzed by fear that intimate images will be shared with everyone they know. The shame feels insurmountable. The threats feel real. And tragically, some young people see no way out.

This is sextortion, and it's happening more frequently than most parents and educators realize. It's a fast-growing form of online exploitation that triggers intense shame, fear, and hopelessness in young people. The link to self-harm and suicide, particularly among teen boys, makes this a critical safety issue that every school and family must understand.

But here's what we also know: protective relationships, open communication, and explicit education about sextortion can significantly reduce risk and save lives. When young people know what sextortion is, how to respond, and where to get support, they're far more likely to ask for help before a crisis escalates.

Understanding Sextortion: What It Is and Why It's So Dangerous

Sextortion happens when someone uses real or fabricated sexual images or messages to coerce a young person into sending more images, money, or engaging in sexual acts. The perpetrator threatens to share images with friends, family, or online if the victim doesn't comply.

What makes sextortion particularly devastating is how perpetrators weaponize shame. They often frame the situation as the teen's fault or even as a crime the teen committed. They may even threaten to contact law enforcement and insist that the young person's life will be ruined. This dramatically increases fear and isolation, making victims less likely to ask for help.

The statistics are sobering. Research on digital sexual violence shows that being threatened with the non-consensual sharing of sexual images is associated with elevated rates of suicidal ideation, suicide planning, attempts, and self-harm among adolescents. In one large study, about 1 in 7 youth victims of sexual extortion reported engaging in self-harm afterwards. LGBTQ+ youth face especially high risk, showing three times the rate of self-harm following sextortion compared to their peers.

The Scope of the Problem

• In 72% of cases, threats to release explicit imagery are central to sexual extortion. However, only a minority of extortionists actually follow through on their threats.
• Only 1 in 6 (17%) victims were aware of their sextortionist fulfilling a threat they made, most frequently by distributing imagery or personal information.
• As many as 79% of predators seek money or additional imagery rather than exposure of existing images. The goal is often financial, not public humiliation.
• Roughly 1 in 6 victims are coerced into sending additional sexual imagery of themselves, rather than having the initial images published.
• 13% of victims reported that they were threatened with a deepfake AI image rather than a real photo.
• LGBTQ+ victims are 2x as likely to have threats fulfilled (26% versus 13%).
• In cases reported to authorities, there is an 88% success rate in getting intimate imagery removed from the internet.
• Threats are more likely to be carried out if the victim knows the perpetrator offline (33%) compared to online-only contacts (8%) follow-through rate.

Recognizing the Warning Signs

After sextortion, young people commonly experience intense shame, panic, social withdrawal, depression, sleep problems, and dramatic mood changes. These symptoms can escalate rapidly to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Some documented cases show teens dying by suicide within hours of receiving threats, often without disclosing what happened to any adult because they feel trapped and believe there is no way out.

Any disclosure of sextortion, sudden mention of "my life is over" or drastic behavior change should be treated as a potential mental health emergency, with clear pathways to immediate support such as 988 or local crisis services.

Feelings of hopelessness and the belief that the situation is permanent are powerful drivers of suicidal ideation for youth who are being blackmailed with sexual content. Youth who already experience marginalization, including LGBTQ+ students, report higher rates of digital sexual violence and show higher levels of suicidality and self-injury when victimized.

Building Protective Factors Against Sextortion

The good news is that we can build powerful protections for our students. Research identifies several key protective factors that significantly reduce risk:

Open Communication and Trust

A primary protective factor for youth is having a trusted adult (parent, guardian, teacher) to whom they can report uncomfortable online interactions without fear of punishment or having devices confiscated.

This requires normalizing help-seeking by encouraging youth to speak up if they feel pressured, and reinforcing that they are not to blame if they are exploited.

Digital Literacy and Safe Behaviors

Students need explicit education about digital safety:

• Understanding "Nothing Disappears": Any photo, video, or text message can be recorded, saved, and shared, even if sent in a "private" or disappearing message app.
• Critical Thinking About Online Personas: Recognizing that people online can easily misrepresent themselves (catfishing) and that a video call does not guarantee the person is who they claim to be.
• Skepticism of Strangers: Avoiding accepting friend requests or engaging in private chat with strangers, particularly on gaming or social platforms.

Technical Safeguards

• Strict Privacy Settings: Setting all social media and gaming accounts to the strictest, most private levels.
• Webcam and Device Security: Covering webcams when not in use, using updated anti-virus software, and avoiding opening attachments from unknown sources.
• Two-Factor Authentication (2FA): Activating 2FA on all accounts to prevent unauthorized access.

Psychological and Social Factors

• High Conscientiousness: Research indicates that individuals with higher levels of conscientiousness are less likely to become victims.
• Resilience and Emotional Awareness: High emotionality can act as a protective factor, aiding in the identification of suspicious or manipulative behavior.
• Strong Social Support: A robust support system lowers the likelihood of being targeted, as perpetrators often target socially isolated individuals.

Preventative and Actionable Steps

• Digital Hygiene: Creating "tech-free zones" in bedrooms at night.
• Reporting Mechanisms: Familiarity with how to report, block, and save evidence (screenshots) of abusive, grooming, or extortionate behavior.

What Students Need to Know

If you or a friend have experienced sextortion, there are steps you can take now to make things better. Students often turn to each other for help first, so it's important to know how to respond. Here are some tips from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children:

Remember, the blackmailer is to blame, not you. Even if you made a choice you regret, what they are doing is a crime.

• Get help before deciding whether to comply with the blackmailer. Cooperating or paying rarely stops the blackmail.
• REPORT the account via the platform's safety feature.
• BLOCK the suspect but DO NOT DELETE your profile or messages because that can be helpful in stopping the blackmailer.
• Let NCMEC help get images of you down. Visit cybertipline.org to report abuse or blackmail and for help with the process.
• Visit Take It Down so NCMEC can help you get your explicit images removed from the internet. Having nudes online is scary, but there is hope to get them taken down.
• Ask for help. The problems can be very complex and require help from adults or professionals. If you don't feel that you have adults in your corner, you can reach out to NCMEC for support at gethelp@ncmec.org or you can call at 1-800-THE-LOST.
• Text "Thorn" to 741741 for immediate, confidential support.

What Caregivers Need to Know

The most important thing caregivers need to know is that if sextortion happens, their child needs calm, non-judgmental support (not blame). It is never the child's fault, no matter what they sent or did online. When kids believe they will be loved, believed, and helped (instead of punished or shamed), they are far more likely to tell an adult quickly, which is the single biggest factor in stopping the abuse and preventing self-harm.

Remember, the blackmailer is to blame, not the child. Even if they made a choice they regret, what the blackmailers are doing is a crime.

• THORN: Talk to Your Kids about Sextortion

• Our CEO, Ted Neitzke, recorded a podcast episode on this topic. Check it out here: SMART THINKING PODCAST Episode 333: We Need To Talk To Our Kids About Uncomfortable Stuff

• Use media stories to engage your child: “I was just reading about a 15-year-old being threatened online to send money and if he didn’t, sexual pictures of him would be sent to all of his friends. I guess he thought he was talking to a 15-year-old girl and, in fun, exposed himself to her on video chat. A couple days later…”

• Caregivers should know how to report sextortion to platforms and to authoritative resources such as the CyberTipline and tools like Take It Down, which can help reduce the spread of sexual images online.

• Parents and guardians can keep 988 and local crisis resources posted on the fridge or saved in phones, with the explicit message that it is always okay to reach out for emotional support or suicidal thoughts.

• Families can help youth practice what to do if they are targeted: stop responding, save evidence (screenshots, usernames, messages), block the person, and tell a trusted adult immediately.

Conversation Starters to Help You Talk to Your Kids About Sextortion

You don't have to be an expert to protect your teen. You just have to start the conversation. Here are a few simple openers you can use tonight, in the car, on a walk, or over dinner. Download your copy today:

• "You may have heard the word 'sextortion' - what have you seen or heard about it online or at school?"
• "If someone ever tried to scare or threaten you with pictures or messages, what do you think would make it hard to tell an adult - and what could I do to make it easier?"
• "No matter what you've sent or done online, I would always want to help you, not punish you. If something ever felt scary or out of control, how could we handle it together?"

What School Staff Need to Know

Sextortion is a child-exploitation crime, not a discipline issue, and students who disclose it need safety, belief, and rapid coordinated support (not punishment). When adults respond calmly, treat the student as a victim, and quickly activate counseling, caregiver communication, and law-enforcement/reporting pathways, they can interrupt the abuse and significantly reduce the risk of self-harm or suicide.

Remember, the blackmailer is to blame, not the student. Even if they made a choice they regret, what the blackmailers are doing is a crime.

• Our CEO, Ted Neitzke, recorded a podcast episode on this topic. Check it out here: SMART THINKING PODCAST Episode 333: We Need To Talk To Our Kids About Uncomfortable Stuff
• Incorporate materials from trusted child safety experts such as It's Called Sextortion, I am a Survivor of Sextortion, or Think U Know Sextortion Toolkit into student advisory and/or counseling sessions.
• Build a prevention curriculum: Emerging curricula developed with groups like Childhelp, NCMEC, and other child safety experts provide free, scripted lessons for students on grooming, sextortion scams, healthy boundaries, and how to ask for help.
• Make resources visible for students so they know how to report sextortion to platforms and to authoritative resources such as the CyberTipline and tools like Take It Down, which can help reduce the spread of sexual images online.
• Keep crisis resources such as 988 and local crisis resources posted with the explicit message that it is always okay to reach out for emotional support or suicidal thoughts.
• Normalize "it's never too late to tell": Rehearse simple scripts students can use ("Someone online is threatening me with pictures; I need help") and emphasize that staff will focus on safety, not punishment, even if a student broke a rule or sent an image.
• Establish clear internal protocols so any staff member who hears a concern knows how to: ensure immediate safety, connect to pupil services, preserve evidence, involve caregivers, and contact law enforcement/child protection when appropriate.

The Path Forward: Prevention Through Education and Support

If you or someone you know is a victim, it is crucial to report the incident to platforms and law enforcement rather than paying, as paying rarely stops the blackmail and often leads to further demands.

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not guilt or failure.

Sextortion thrives in silence and shame. By bringing this issue into the open through age-appropriate conversations, explicit education, and supportive responses, we can protect our students and potentially save lives. Every educator, parent, and caregiver has a role to play in building the protective factors that help young people recognize threats, resist manipulation, and most importantly, ask for help when they need it most.

The statistics tell us this is happening. But they also tell us that when we respond with support instead of shame, we can make a profound difference. Let's make sure every student knows they are not alone, they are not to blame, and there are adults ready to help.

Crisis Resources

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call, text, or chat at 988lifeline.org
• National Center for Missing & Exploited Children: Text "Thorn" to 741741 or call 1-800-THE-LOST
• CyberTipline: cybertipline.org
• Take It Down: takeitdown.ncmec.org

Sources

• National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. “Sextortion: What Parents Should Know.” MissingKids.org, 2021.  https://www.missingkids.org.
• Thorn. “Sexual Extortion & Young People.” Thorn.org, July 27, 2025. https://www.thorn.org.
• Stop Sextortion. “Tips for Caregivers.” StopSextortion.com, May 8, 2025.. https://www.stopsextortion.com/caregivers/.
• ​Stop Sextortion. “Tips for Educators.” StopSextortion.com, May 8, 2025. https://www.stopsextortion.com/educators/.
• ​New Mexico Department of Justice. “How to Educate & Protect Children and Teens from Sextortion.” NMDOJ.gov, 2024. https://nmdoj.gov.
• ​Our Rescue. “Understanding Sextortion: How to Keep Kids Safe.” Operation Underground Railroad, 2025. https://ourrescue.org.
• ​ConnectSafely. “Parent’s Guide to Teen Sextortion Scams.” ConnectSafely.org, 2022. https://connectsafely.org
• ​988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. “About 988.” 988lifeline.org, 2024. https://988lifeline.org.
• ​Meta. “Stop Sextortion: Tips for Parents.” Meta Family Center, March 17, 2024. https://familycenter.meta.com/resources/stop-sextortion/.
• National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. “NetSmartz Resources and Video (Including ‘It’s Called Sextortion’).” MissingKids.org, 2023. https://www.missingkids.org/netsmartz/resources.