Be the Gravity: Why It's Time to Normalize Positivity

This article is adapted from Ted's Smart Thinking podcast episode 374: Normalize Positivity.

I have a confession to make. I am a nosy people watcher.

Put me in an airport, a conference, a bus stop, anywhere there are people moving through their lives, and I am completely, unapologetically fascinated. My wife is not thrilled about this habit. My brother calls it “table breaking” because I have a tendency to lean in and listen to the conversation at the table next to us. But I can’t help it. I am genuinely, endlessly curious about people.

And here is what I have noticed over a lot of years of watching: positivity is rare. Like, really rare. Most people out there seem to be paying dues to what I can only describe as the Perpetually Pissed Off Pessimists and Problem Lovers of the World Club. And membership appears to be wide open.

I just got back from a few weeks off, which honestly, I needed more than I realized. Vacation has a funny way of showing you how depleted you actually were. I came back refocused, recharged, and with one big thing on my mind: why is it so weird to be positive? And more importantly, what are we going to do about it?

The Airport and the Kindest Thing My Son Said All Trip

We had been hearing horror stories all week. The government shutdown had created staffing bottlenecks at TSA. People at the pool were trading tales of nightmare lines, delayed flights, and general airport chaos. By the time it was our turn to fly home from Florida, we had fully braced for the worst. We packed snacks. We left early. We mentally prepared for a miserable experience.

And then we got to the airport and the line was 20 minutes long.

That part was a relief. But the moment I want to tell you about happened while we were waiting in the queue with my son, Charlie, a 23-year-old social studies teacher who came along on the trip to visit his grandparents. As we stood there, a TSA agent in his late sixties walked up the closed lane beside us. This man had clearly been through it. Weeks of working without pay. Spring break in Florida. Travelers taking out their frustrations on people who had absolutely no control over any of it.

Charlie looked at him and said, “Sir, I hope you’re having a good day.”

That was it. Five words.

The agent stopped. He looked at Charlie for a moment, and then he asked, “How many people are with you?” Three of us. He unclipped the divider belt and waved us to the front of the line. As he walked us through, he turned to Charlie and said quietly, “Thanks for being nice.”

Behind us, you can imagine the reaction. “Well, that must be nice.” “What the blank.” As the agent walked back down the line, he was met not with the warmth and kindness that had just been modeled right in front of everyone, but with audible sneering from people who had just watched kindness pay off in real time and still could not bring themselves to try it.

Charlie turned to me and said, “You know what, Dad? It always pays to be nice.”

I was so proud of that kid. And I kept thinking about that moment the whole flight home, because it perfectly captures the thing I want to talk about today. Positivity works. We see it work. And somehow we still treat it like it’s the weird choice.

Why Do We Treat Positivity Like a Personality Flaw?

Here is something that genuinely puzzles me. In nature, opposites attract. Magnets. Electricity. Batteries. Chemical bonding. Everything works because a negative attracts a positive and together they create something better. But in human culture, when one person is negative, it attracts more negativity and tends to push positive energy away. That is completely backwards from how the rest of nature operates.

I got curious about this and did some digging into CliftonStrengths data. Positivity is actually one of the more common themes to appear in people’s top five. According to Gallup’s historical data across more than 20 million people who have taken the assessment, positivity shows up in approximately 12 to 15% of people’s top five strengths. That actually places it in the upper middle tier of frequency across all 34 themes. So yes, I’m a little weird, but I am not alone.

People who carry positivity as a natural strength tend to make things more exciting and lighthearted. They are naturally inclined to look for the silver lining. They bounce back from setbacks faster than most. And if you are one of those people, you are likely the one others look to when things get heavy.

But here is the thing: even if positivity is not in your top five, you can still choose it. You just have to work at it. And that is exactly what I want to help you do.

Be the Gravity

When I was researching this idea, I kept coming back to one concept that felt exactly right: gravity.

Here is what makes gravity different from every other force in nature. Unlike magnetism or electricity, gravity is only attractive. There is no such thing as negative gravity that repels. In the world of gravity, everything attracts everything else, regardless of charge. It pulls all forces together.

That is the strategy. That is the goal. Be the gravity in your culture.

Not the toxic optimist running around telling people everything is fine when it clearly is not. Not the person who dismisses real struggle with forced cheerfulness. Be the person who pulls all forces, positive and negative, toward forward motion. Be the one who normalizes positivity not by pretending the storm does not exist, but by choosing to charge into it.

So how do we actually do this? It starts with a few things we need to stop doing and then moves into a framework I call See It, Seek It, Supermodel It, and Expect It.

Stop: Clear the Space Before You Build

You cannot start doing something new until you stop doing something old. Here are the four stops that matter most.

Stop gossiping. Nothing sells off your mental real estate faster than joining in on gossip. My personal favorite line when someone tries to bring me into it: “If you gossip to me, you must gossip about me.” Nobody gossips to you after you say that. Guaranteed.

Stop sitting or standing near negativity. You do not have to stay in the room. Walk away. Your presence is not neutral, it is participation. Ask yourself honestly: what do I need right now to be successful? The answer is usually to get out of that environment.

Stop mindlessly consuming negative media. I quit Facebook a few months back after one too many things showed up in my feed. Four days later, my life was no different except that my emotions were stronger and I was not anxious about things I could not control. We live in a world where people read the headlines and the comments and not the actual story. Read the story. Make your own decisions.

Stop immediately believing negative narratives. Ask yourself two questions before you absorb someone else’s negativity. First: is this true, and what is the evidence? Second: what is motivating this person to be so negative right now? Are they afraid of change? Protecting something? Envious? Understanding the motivation helps you stay grounded instead of getting swept into it.

See It: Make Positivity Visible

Good work is invisible far too often. We speak up when something is broken and go quiet when something is working. This part of the framework flips that script entirely.

Try what I call “caught in the act.” Call out a specific small win someone else achieved, in a meeting, in an email, in a handwritten card if you really want to make an impression. Not just “good job,” but “I noticed how you handled that difficult situation with patience. It really helped the whole team.” Specificity is what makes it land.

Aim for a two-to-one ratio: two pieces of positive reinforcement for every one piece of constructive feedback. Keep the emotional bank account in the black.

And create a win board, physical or digital, dedicated entirely to daily wins and positive moments. Imagine walking into your school or office and seeing a wall covered in sticky notes celebrating what went right this week. That starts with one person deciding to start it. That person can be you.

Seek It: Find Your Herd

Positivity is social. You need a battery pack of people who recharge you rather than drain you. And you have to be intentional about building that herd.

Do an energy audit. Look at your inner circle honestly. Who leaves you feeling motivated? Who leaves you feeling exhausted? Start spending 10% more time with the people who give you energy and gently step back from the ones who consistently take it.

Find a positivity mentor. Someone you admire who manages to stay level-headed when things get chaotic. Invite them for coffee and just ask: how do you do it? How do you see the good in difficult situations? We sometimes need to unlearn and relearn. And the fastest way to do that is to sit down with someone who is already living the thing you want to build.

Curate your digital environment. Unfollow accounts that thrive on outrage. Replace them with communities focused on growth and solutions. Or just log off entirely. That choice is always yours.

Supermodel It: Be the Example

No, this is not about looking like Fabio, though if that is your thing, respect. Being a supermodel in this context means modeling the behavior you want to see around you.

One of the most powerful tools I know is the “yes, and” technique borrowed from improv. When a colleague shares an idea, instead of saying “but that won’t work,” try: “Yes, and we could make that even stronger if...” Hear the difference? Same content, completely different energy. The language you use shapes the culture you live in.

When a project hits a wall, be the first to say: “Okay, this is a setback. What is the one thing we can learn from it right now?” Lead with “so what are we going to do about it?” That framing pulls everyone forward instead of leaving them stuck in what went wrong.

Expect It: Anticipate the Best

Positivity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Walk into a room expecting a fight and you will usually find one. Walk in with genuine enthusiasm and people will respond.

Before a difficult conversation, try telling yourself: “This person is doing their best with all the tools they have right now.” It changes your tone before you even say a word.

Each morning, write down one positive thing you expect to happen today and then go make it happen. And when you are leading others, say your expectations out loud. People rise or sink to the level of what we expect from them, but an unspoken expectation can never be met.

That is worth repeating: an unspoken expectation can never be met.

One More Story I Was Not Planning to Share

A few weeks ago, I was finishing up a leadership training with fire chiefs, captains, lieutenants, and assistant chiefs, people who regularly face situations of real trauma and life-or-death pressure. One chief stopped me in the hall afterward and asked: “Ted, how do you think people can stay positive through trauma?”

And then he asked me something harder: “Have you ever been in a truly traumatic, life-or-death situation?”

I felt my face go flush. He saw it and said quietly, “I see that you have.”

A few years ago, I got a phone call at 11:36 at night from my dad telling me to get to the hospital immediately. He said both he and my brother were in the emergency room for different things. I assumed my dad, who was older, was the serious concern. I did not think much about my younger brother, John, who was in his forties and six feet tall and 280 pounds of larger-than-life energy, the greatest uncle any kids could have.

When I walked in, my dad was bandaged and shaken. He looked at me with empty eyes and said, “It’s your brother.” I walked past him to John’s room. There were papers on the floor, needles, chest paddles. John was unconscious on the table. I realized immediately that he was gone.

And then I saw my mom. She was there because by some force only the universe can explain, both my dad and my brother had ended up in that emergency room at the same time without knowing it. When John’s heart stopped and the staff realized our mom was just three feet away in another room, they brought her in. She had been there, holding his hand, calling his name, fighting for him as they did everything they could to bring him back.

She came to me for a hug and simply said, “Teddy.”

And the first thing out of my mouth was, “Mom, you got to be with John.”

Because in that moment, the very first thought that came to me was how lucky John was. My mom was the first and the last voice he heard before he ascended. I held her and I just kept saying, “He’s so lucky. He is so lucky.”

When I shared that with the fire chief, he put his hand on my shoulder and said, “That is more normal than you think. You’d be amazed at how many people in the worst moments of their lives suddenly realize how lucky they are to have been there.”

Positivity is everywhere if you choose to look for it. Even in the hardest moments. Maybe especially then.

Your Assignment This Week

Here is what I want you to do. Grab something to write with and answer these three things honestly.

First, list the people you need to spend more time with and the people you need to spend less time with. Be honest with yourself.

Second, describe how you naturally respond to stressful situations. Are you positively charged? Negatively charged? Or are you the gravity?

Third, list three specific strategies from today that you can start using this week to be the gravity and the Buffalo leader that others will be drawn to.

Because here is the truth. Negativity in human nature does not have to attract more negativity. You are not required to believe you have no control. You just have to make a choice.

What kind of leader are you going to be? What do you expect from yourself? Who are you going to bring into your herd?

Be the gravity. Normalize positivity. And as always, let’s do some smart thinking.