The notification comes in the middle of the night. A parent discovers their teen in crisis, paralyzed by fear that intimate images will be shared with everyone they know. The shame feels insurmountable. The threats feel real. And tragically, some young people see no way out.
This is sextortion, and it's happening more frequently than most parents and educators realize. It's a fast-growing form of online exploitation that triggers intense shame, fear, and hopelessness in young people. The link to self-harm and suicide, particularly among teen boys, makes this a critical safety issue that every school and family must understand.
But here's what we also know: protective relationships, open communication, and explicit education about sextortion can significantly reduce risk and save lives. When young people know what sextortion is, how to respond, and where to get support, they're far more likely to ask for help before a crisis escalates.
Sextortion happens when someone uses real or fabricated sexual images or messages to coerce a young person into sending more images, money, or engaging in sexual acts. The perpetrator threatens to share images with friends, family, or online if the victim doesn't comply.
What makes sextortion particularly devastating is how perpetrators weaponize shame. They often frame the situation as the teen's fault or even as a crime the teen committed. They may even threaten to contact law enforcement and insist that the young person's life will be ruined. This dramatically increases fear and isolation, making victims less likely to ask for help.
The statistics are sobering. Research on digital sexual violence shows that being threatened with the non-consensual sharing of sexual images is associated with elevated rates of suicidal ideation, suicide planning, attempts, and self-harm among adolescents. In one large study, about 1 in 7 youth victims of sexual extortion reported engaging in self-harm afterwards. LGBTQ+ youth face especially high risk, showing three times the rate of self-harm following sextortion compared to their peers.
After sextortion, young people commonly experience intense shame, panic, social withdrawal, depression, sleep problems, and dramatic mood changes. These symptoms can escalate rapidly to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Some documented cases show teens dying by suicide within hours of receiving threats, often without disclosing what happened to any adult because they feel trapped and believe there is no way out.
Any disclosure of sextortion, sudden mention of "my life is over" or drastic behavior change should be treated as a potential mental health emergency, with clear pathways to immediate support such as 988 or local crisis services.
Feelings of hopelessness and the belief that the situation is permanent are powerful drivers of suicidal ideation for youth who are being blackmailed with sexual content. Youth who already experience marginalization, including LGBTQ+ students, report higher rates of digital sexual violence and show higher levels of suicidality and self-injury when victimized.
The good news is that we can build powerful protections for our students. Research identifies several key protective factors that significantly reduce risk:
A primary protective factor for youth is having a trusted adult (parent, guardian, teacher) to whom they can report uncomfortable online interactions without fear of punishment or having devices confiscated.
This requires normalizing help-seeking by encouraging youth to speak up if they feel pressured, and reinforcing that they are not to blame if they are exploited.
Students need explicit education about digital safety:
If you or a friend have experienced sextortion, there are steps you can take now to make things better. Students often turn to each other for help first, so it's important to know how to respond. Here are some tips from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children:
Remember, the blackmailer is to blame, not you. Even if you made a choice you regret, what they are doing is a crime.
The most important thing caregivers need to know is that if sextortion happens, their child needs calm, non-judgmental support (not blame). It is never the child's fault, no matter what they sent or did online. When kids believe they will be loved, believed, and helped (instead of punished or shamed), they are far more likely to tell an adult quickly, which is the single biggest factor in stopping the abuse and preventing self-harm.
Remember, the blackmailer is to blame, not the child. Even if they made a choice they regret, what the blackmailers are doing is a crime.
Our CEO, Ted Neitzke, recorded a podcast episode on this topic. Check it out here: SMART THINKING PODCAST Episode 333: We Need To Talk To Our Kids About Uncomfortable Stuff
Use media stories to engage your child: “I was just reading about a 15-year-old being threatened online to send money and if he didn’t, sexual pictures of him would be sent to all of his friends. I guess he thought he was talking to a 15-year-old girl and, in fun, exposed himself to her on video chat. A couple days later…”
Caregivers should know how to report sextortion to platforms and to authoritative resources such as the CyberTipline and tools like Take It Down, which can help reduce the spread of sexual images online.
Parents and guardians can keep 988 and local crisis resources posted on the fridge or saved in phones, with the explicit message that it is always okay to reach out for emotional support or suicidal thoughts.
Families can help youth practice what to do if they are targeted: stop responding, save evidence (screenshots, usernames, messages), block the person, and tell a trusted adult immediately.
You don't have to be an expert to protect your teen. You just have to start the conversation. Here are a few simple openers you can use tonight, in the car, on a walk, or over dinner. Download your copy today:
Sextortion is a child-exploitation crime, not a discipline issue, and students who disclose it need safety, belief, and rapid coordinated support (not punishment). When adults respond calmly, treat the student as a victim, and quickly activate counseling, caregiver communication, and law-enforcement/reporting pathways, they can interrupt the abuse and significantly reduce the risk of self-harm or suicide.
Remember, the blackmailer is to blame, not the student. Even if they made a choice they regret, what the blackmailers are doing is a crime.
If you or someone you know is a victim, it is crucial to report the incident to platforms and law enforcement rather than paying, as paying rarely stops the blackmail and often leads to further demands.
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not guilt or failure.
Sextortion thrives in silence and shame. By bringing this issue into the open through age-appropriate conversations, explicit education, and supportive responses, we can protect our students and potentially save lives. Every educator, parent, and caregiver has a role to play in building the protective factors that help young people recognize threats, resist manipulation, and most importantly, ask for help when they need it most.
The statistics tell us this is happening. But they also tell us that when we respond with support instead of shame, we can make a profound difference. Let's make sure every student knows they are not alone, they are not to blame, and there are adults ready to help.